Dreams of Baby!

Last night I had a strange, but kind of exciting dream. I dreamt that I was in bed trying to sleep, but Adam hadn't come to bed yet. I couldn't sleep, because something didn't quite feel right. I wasn't sure if my water had broken or not, but I wasn't having contractions or anything. I finally called for Adam, but by the time he came upstairs, the baby was already born! So I picked her up and held her and we started to pack things up to go to the hospital. (we don't have our bags packed yet, but after having this dream, I want to get them packed ASAP!) But then I realized that we didn't have a car seat for her, so I wasn't quite sure how we were going to get her to the hospital. I was concerned about her heart and getting her checked by the doctor. Then I woke up. I remember she had a beautiful face, but her ribs/ chest was a little larger than normal. I'm not sure why, but later I was thinking maybe that was my brain's way of interpreting that she has a large heart.

Before the dream, I was getting anxious to meet our baby girl, but now I really want to meet her as soon as I can! I know though that it is best for her to stay in there as long as she can so her heart can develop more. So I will wait... as patiently as I can.

Mom's Group

I met with a group of mom's who all have children with disabilities on the other side of the city tonight. They meet for coffee about once a month (of course next month I won't be able to go!). I heard a little from each mom about their child and what they have been struggling with, but also, what they have found to be a blessing.

Jane is the lady that is in charge of the group, and has a yahoo group set up for everyone. I haven't gotten on there yet (I have to email her to get an email invite to the group). But they asked me to post a link to my blog.

I finally met Mary from Prenatal Partners for Life, and she was very sweet. I also finally met Ashlee, who has a son, Levi, who has another rare diagnosis (of course I can't remember the name).

Most of the mom's had kids with some sort of chromosomal abnormality. I guess I didn't really realize that so many of the disabilities out there are related to the chromosomes not getting together correctly. As far as I know heterotaxy isn't related to chromosomal abnormalities, but I could be wrong (I seem to learn something new about it all the time!).

While people were going around talking about their child, most of them had some sort of cognitive disability, so I was feeling lucky that my baby will only have to have heart surgery (as far as we know at this point anyway... she might have stomach issues also). But then one of the last ladies that shared, told us about her son who had a heart defect. While he was having heart surgery, he lost oxygen to his brain and ended up with some brain damage. That hit home, because that could happen to our baby girl. We just need to keep praying for her!

Baby Shower #1 - My Family & Friends

Nancy and Natalie hosted our first baby shower (we laughed, because about the same time last year we were having a bridal shower) at mom's house. Mom made eggs Benedict, a fruit tray (yummy!), cheesy hash browns, and yogurt parfaits. Nancy made two different desserts, and Natalie brought the games.

All the yummies!

What a beautiful day for a shower! Not only was it my grandma's birthday, but the weather was wonderful. We say out on mom and dad's deck and ate, enjoyed each other's company, and played the "guess that baby food" game. When Natalie read off the answers for what was in each jar, she said that applesauce was in jar #2. But I had put down apples. So I raised my hand, and said, "Teacher, can I get half-credit for apples?" Everyone laughed, and she gave me the half point!

Then we moved inside and played "baby shower bingo," while I opened up all the wonderful gifts people brought for us. Laura made a hooded towel out of a regular towel and a washcloth, Lisa, Sara, Linda, and Becky got a swing for baby (Lisa said it was because mean John had taken down the swing set, so now baby has a swing!), Natalie & her mom put together a "meal-time" gift, both grandmas found cute outfits for her... lots of fun stuff for baby!

Reading off everything from the grooming kit
so the girls could cross it off their
BINGO card.

Grandma Beth (Adam's mom), Karen (my
Godmother), and Laura (her sister) playing
BINGO while I open gifts.

Then Nancy brought out dessert on a serving tray. Delicious! And as people finished their dessert, they started to leave. I put my dessert down to say goodbye to people as they were leaving, and once everyone was gone, I sat back down to finish. I picked up my virgin mimosa, and took a couple sips, but it tasted different. It was mom's not-so-virgin mimosa! Oops!

Grandma Denise (my mom) & Nancy
getting dessert ready to serve

Then I headed home and Adam helped me unpack the trunk packed with goodies for baby. He finished putting together her dressers, and vacuumed the room. Then I went through all her clothes and diapers and things, and started organizing them into different drawers. So exciting! But I think I want to rearrange her furniture, hopefully Adam and his brother John will be nice enough to move it again! :)

"Childbirth Preparation Class" No. 3

On my way back to Minneapolis with Adam this time, I was wearing my sunglasses, but Adam could see or tell somehow that I had tears in my eyes.

-My mood has been up and down through out this pregnancy. I was sad that we didn't get to experience a lot of things, that most couples get to experience when they have a baby. I want to be able to hold my baby girl right after she is born and spend time getting to know her and comfort her before she leaves to go to the NICU. But I will only be able to have a quick glance, before they whisk her away and hook her up to several tubes and whatnot. I'm sure that has to be scary for her, just coming into this world and then getting checked out by several doctors and getting tubes put into her tummy. But I won't be able to be there to hold her or talk to her or soothe her.-

And he asked if I wanted to turn around and go home. I didn't though, I wanted to finish out the class and learn all I could learn.

In class, Katy told the birth story process from the view of the baby, then from the view of the mother. She talked about how right after the baby is born, they place the baby on the mother's chest, and the baby, no matter how many other people are around talking, always looks at the mother and father, because she recognizes the voices from in the womb. When she was describing all this, my eyes started to tear up again, but I managed to hold it in.

Then she talked about c-sections, and said that often moms come back after they deliver, and tell Katy that she should have talked about c-sections. And she just nods and smiles, knowing that she talked about it in their class, but most people tune out, because that's not what they want. Since Dr. Fairbanks had just told me that morning that there was no option, but a c-section. So I listened to her tell the birth story from both perspectives again, but for a c-section instead. But even that didn't sound like what my birth story will be, because mom and baby still got to spend time together. Even with a c-section, they will briefly show me our daughter, then Adam will follow her into another room, and then later to the NICU, while they stitch me back up.

Of course, I'm glad we went to the class and learned all that we did, but I only wish that we could have many of these experiences, and that baby wouldn't have to go through everything that she will have to go through.

The "No-Natral-Birth" Doctor

I met mom (and Adam, but he was heading home) at work in the morning to go to Abbott for our growth/ biophysical profile ultrasound, and OB check. We had the same ultrasound technician, Jeanine, who again, did everything as quick as she could, so she could send us on to the next room. Baby again scored eight out of eight on the biophysical profile, but they decided not to do the non-stress test (NST), because she never gets those two points anyway, since they can't really follow her heart rate. When Jeanine measured her for growth, she said she weighted about five pounds! I should have asked how big her head was, since she measured it, but didn't think to until after the fact.

After she finished taking all the measurements and giving baby all the points, she gave us one ultrasound picture that wasn't the greatest (but baby wasn't wanting to face the camera), and sent us across the hall. A nurse came in, whose name I can't remember (Cheryl), and took my weight and went down the list of the usual questions. We talked about the school's closing and how Arlington is closing as well. Then she left and we waited for the doctor.

Soon, Dr. Fairbanks, who Krista (an ultrasound technician at Woodbury) said she liked, came in and said she wanted to have a conversation with us. She said she had heard that we were hoping for a natural birth, versus a c-section. She then told us that baby would not survive a vaginal birth. Quite contrary to what the other doctors we have talked to have said. But, she said that they wouldn't be at my bedside when the time came to deliver. From what I understood, Dr. Calvin (who said he would support us) did sometimes deliver at Abbott (which is why I decided to ask him when he was in for Dr. Ledella one day). And Dr. Payne (who said he preferred it) might not be at my bedside, but might be at baby's bedside after she is born, depending on where he is working that day.

At any rate, I told her my husband and I would discuss it again (as we have several times). I think we're just going to keep asking the different doctors' opinions and see which one comes out on top. But we also want to talk to Dr. Gremmels, as we have never actually asked him what the odds are of her surviving (since that's where Dr. Fairbanks seems to see the problem). Dr. Gremmels knows her heart better than anyone at this point, whereas Dr. Fairbanks had only just met us.